I think I died a long time ago.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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