Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
