i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
