My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
