So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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