I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
