How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
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