I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
