Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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