I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
