I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
