I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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