Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
