Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
