Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
