found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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