THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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