It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
