Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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