Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
