Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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