i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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