If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
