she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
