well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
