you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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