5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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