Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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