In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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