make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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