Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The air was thick with penises
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
