just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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