like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
