the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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