9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
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