I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just want nice things and good sex
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
