Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
