so that wasnt chicken after all
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
