oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Your dad touched me again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
