At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
