i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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