For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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