So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
