got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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