Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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