The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
