i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
