As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
