Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
