I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
