You can't motorboat a personality
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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